Sunday will be mine and Craig's Twelve Year Anniversary and I felt it best to sit down and write something out to tell him and myself how much I've grown and learned in these twelve years. When I think back to when I stood up on that stage and faced him in front of all those people and took my vows to him I remember thinking how much fun life was fixing to become. Full of adventures, excitement, love, and happiness. Looking at him was the only thing I wanted to look at the rest of my life. I couldn't imagine fighting with him, being mad at him, him being mad at me, us disagreeing....it just never past through my head, even though I remember Hance our pastor that married us using the word "diabolical" to explain how the devil would try to break us up. I must say the first years of marriage were "blissful". You know where he lets you pick out all the movies and says he likes them and he eats everything you cook like you are a chef. And you cater to his every need, wanting to please him and striving to make him happy. Oh the fun years when it all seems so easy. Yes, I know this is before children, before the bills really start racking up, before you buy a house, before you really know who you are as a couple, but boy it was fun and felt pretty perfect. On a side note I need to say that my husband is truly the BEST person I've every met. His core values haven't changed since day one. Not an inch. Not a second. Not in a moment of happiness or unhappiness. He is who He is and in twelve years this is what I appreciate about him the most...his consistancy.
People would tell me, "Julie, marriage is work." I would think in my head "Work. Really?" See I never really thought of my marriage being work. Unfortunately, as I've gotten older I've seen more divorces. It truly crushes my heart to hear of a friend of mine or anyone for that matter thinking about divorce. Not just because of my faith, but because I've seen the pain it causes in a family. So I go back to that word...work.....When Craig and I decided we were ready to start a family we knew adoption would be in our plans. We didn't know how they would be in our plans but we wanted to adopt. We set out trying to get pregnant and found out after a year of trying that we had a 3% chance of having a child, so that was a perfect chance to have the support we needed to adopt! Yes, it was hard at first to close the door on conceiving but we knew that God had a family for us and he did in Kyla!! It happened so quickly and smoothly and little Kyla came to us in April of 2005 and what may have been a time that looked like "work" in a marriage only brought us together. She is our blessing from above! And as the story goes just a year later, that little stick that I had wanted so many times to turn pink.....well it turned PINK!!! Yep...I was pregnant, believe it or not it was harder for me to handle that I was pregnant than it was for me to handle that I wasn't pregnant!? I know it may not make sense, but that's another story. Little Miss Maggie Blou was born in March of 2007 and she is everything that we needed to complete are family (although the girls keep telling us we need to adopt a boy). While I was pregnant with Maggie the scariest thing happened to me. Kyla and I were on our way to my Aunt's house and a lady pulled out in front of me as I was going 55mph and totaled my car. I've never been so scared in my life. I immediately turned around and looked behind me to check on Kyla who was in the back seat unharmed and not crying (Thank You Lord!!), she wasn't even one yet, and then I jumped out of the car (I was 4 months pregnant) and got her out and ran because my car was smoking. My health has changed since that day.
That day I felt fine. Of course the next day I hurt pretty bad. I went to my OBGYN to make sure everything was OK with Mags and took Ky to her Dr. to check her out and then slowly things started to happen to me. as I type this, I feel stupid, because I don't want to be portrayed as a person that starts coming up with these ailments after the fact, I'm just saying what happened to me. Long story short in the last four years I've had shoulder surgery, neck surgery, and have been diagnosed with chronic migraines. The vows, "In sickness and in health have been ringing in my head a lot lately".
No, I do not have something that will end my life one day, and I'm very thankful for that. I feel horribly guilty that I miss as much church, family activities, friend activities, and daily activities as I do, due to a disease that most people look at as just a headache, but unless you've had a migraine it's hard to explain.
So back to what I'm learning...."Marriage is Work" I'm glad that there are different stages of marriage. Craig and I are in our "Working" stage. This doesn't mean we aren't as in love with each other as we always have been. It just means that life has thrown us a curve ball and we can choose to ignore and let it blow up in our faces or we can work through this and grow this and pray through this. It's not easy, and I know lots, if not all couples that go through a time or times in their marriage where they have to "work" at it, but I feel it is healthy and okay. I mean is there anything in this life that I've loved having that I haven't had to "work" at? Why not this? So we work and know that through our faith and commitment to each other that we will be stronger and healthier. Honestly, as I've always said to people...I don't know how Craig puts up with me! Believe me, well if you know him and I at all, you know he is the more patient one. He loves me when I'm not very loving, he cares for me when I'm not caring, and he is patient with me when he shouldn't be.
To you Craig: I still look at you the same way I looked at you twelve years ago, not wanting to fight with you, always wanting to love you, excited about all the adventures that is ours, and know that I will "work" for our marriage ALWAYS!! You are the sweetest most wonderful husband, father, and man I've ever known and no one in my life has shown me more patience and forgiveness as you. Thank you for taking care of me when I'm sick, for loving me for who I am, and believing in me and my dreams!!
I love you,
julie towery
